This was the first time I tried to talk to my parents about my mental health issues. My dad laughed it off as if he were in denial—no, how could his daughter be depressed of all things? And oh no, don’t worry about it, everyone has anxiety these days, it’s all the rage.
As for my mom…ugh.
No wonder I’ve kept it all bottled up for the past two years. How silly of me to think that they would’ve taken me seriously.
don’t you ever stop and get worried about life? like…what if i’m not appreciating the right people? or i’m taking advantage of all of the special people and moments in my life? what if, one day, years from now, i look back on these moments and realize—far too late—how special they were? fuck.
I wish I could tell myself to calm down, breathe, enjoy the present, calm down, let it all go, don’t worry, calm down, breathe, don’t stress about it, focus on the good things, calm down, breathe, breathe, breathe.
and then i realized how stupid it was
how stupid I was
for wanting someone
who didn’t want me back,
for chasing someone
who always made sure he was at least one step
out of my reach
so i’ve only had gta since yesterday at midnight (when it came out) and it’s really all i’ve been doing and i’d like to get my life back, as in…listening to music, laying down, browsing the internet…
but nope. my xbox is just there and the game’s there and i’m here and ugh it’s so addicting
why can’t i just have someone who will cuddle with me while i play GTA and we can listen to good music and literally never leave my bed because i’m that lazy
i don’t know
im just trying to understand why people expect me to leave my bed
like why is that a thing
why can’t i just stay